you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
