All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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