you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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