Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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