they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
