they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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