is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize