Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
