do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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