I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize