Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
