I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
