morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
