yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
