So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
