You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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