The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
