Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
