We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
