What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
