The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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