Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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