i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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