She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize