me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
