Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
