I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
