Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we made out on top of his cat.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
