I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
