I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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