Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
