I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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