his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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