Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
