And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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