if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
