need another drink. this is the easiest way
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
