Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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