dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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