I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
