He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
