Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
