why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
