The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
