i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
