i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cannot find my penis.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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