look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
