The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
