I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
