I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
