I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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