You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
