I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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