remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
