I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
