Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
