i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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