so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize