So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We need to rekindle our bromance
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
