shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
