the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
