I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
