when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
