I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
