I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
