Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
