You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
