I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
